We were arguing the day he told me.
Something silly in the grand scheme of things, one of those moments that lifeโs little annoyances finally rubbed raw into hurt feelings where they didnโt belong. But I think time stood still for both of us when he confessed to me, โJoy, you were my best friend.โ
I knew part of the story he proceeded to tell, but Iโd never really heard it told beyond the plain facts. Before my sister was born, my Daddy was laid off from his job and stayed home in those early years with me. But itโs easy to forget that your parents are real people, and for the first time, I heard how heโd felt isolated, ashamed, and truly burdened by circumstances that left him uncertain about caring for his wife and young daughter with another already on the way. Too young to comprehend any of that, I was his little shadow developing a personality that kept his spirits up and his days feeling new.
It was heavy knowledge that suddenly shifted how I viewed a lot of experiences Iโd had with him over the years, and one in particular came to mind: the day I was engaged.
Alicia Keys’ โAs I Amโ was in carโs CD player, and I remember a lot of singing along. My Daddy, happy as he was, didnโt say much on the drive back from Kemah to Beaumont though, and seemed especially quiet during โLike Youโll Never See Me Again.โ
Iโll never know what he was thinking, but the later knowledge that I was his best friend painted so much more detail into that moment for me. What it must have been to come to the inevitability of letting go of the thing you love so that it can be loved by someone else. And with this song as the soundtrack to the scene.
Lucky for him, thatโs not where the story ended though. Last year, he found himself back in the role of โleading man in my lifeโ again, and he picked up right where he left off. The very last time he had the breath to speak to me, we stayed up late chatting, and he fell asleep on the phone, leaving me with the sweetest memory of my best friend and the first man to love me like heโd never see me again.